Friday, January 11, 2013
While the television show “Scandal” hasn’t been on a full two seasons it is poised to become ABC’s #1 drama. With 7.4 million viewers on December 6 for the mid season finale and ranking #1 with adults 18-49, “Scandal” is just too deelish to miss. Great writing, engaging characters, plots as thick as Urkel’s glasses and enough frienemies to question one’s BFF rankings, “Scandal” has enough clout to garner an uninterrupted, one hour standing appointment every Thursday at 10pm in my home.
Now that we’ve crunched the numbers and quantified the hype lets talk about the real reason women (not all but 99%) are tuning in. Liv and Fitz! Baaaay-bay! Mm Mm Mm. The love between those two is breath taking. This man loves him some Liv and this woman loves her some Fitz. These two have enough on screen chemistry to make you forget that she is Black and he is White and oh yeah, almost forgot, he’s married. Fitzgerald Thomas Grant, III, President of the
is married and having an affair with Olivia Pope, his former image consultant.
Such is life. This story line isn’t new but it contains some elements that
debunk and also reinforce the stark differences in men and women’s attitudes
when it comes to love; not marriage but love. That four letter word that
neither gender (as a whole) has been able to successfully define and live out.
Like clock work every Thursday night after “Scandal” airs my news feed reads like a 2013 version of “War of the Roses”. “Team Liv!” “I heart Liv and Fitz”. “They belong together!” Of course these are post created by women. Shortly thereafter the men chime in. “She’s a Hoe”, “If she were sleeping with your husband you wouldn’t be going “awww”. “Women are defending her actions and they know she’s wrong, he’s a married man.”
The character Olivia Pope is pushing the envelope and challenging women to be honest about how we really feel versus doing what is right. Because we are emotionally driven we will do what we “feel” every time hands down. It’s been a long standing tradition that women have embraced – tarring each other down. We’ve been characterized as catty; hateful towards one another and even been charged with keeping our ugly friends around to make us look better.
Well, the first two simply aren’t true based on the number of supporters this fictional character Olivia Pope has, even as an adulteress. We have indirectly admitted that all is fair in the name of love and war including cheating. Women have a tendency to play the holier than thou role except when it comes to love (which men don’t understand). Women across the board are pulling for this television love because we wish in our hearts of hearts that this type of love could happen for us and if it doesn’t well damnit Olivia Pope’s fictional love is real enough. Make sense? Not if you’re a man. Maybe this will help. Men we (women) don’t let things like ego and rules get in the way of an objective. There you have it – we don’t give a damn that he’s married. They are soul mates. Period. End of discussion.
Let’s not get it twisted though. Fitz is a cheater and there is a difference between a “cheater” and “cheated”. Cheated is past tense and implies it was a one time indiscretion. Could happen to any one, true, but remember the pregnant intern. HEY! I get it – it’s different he didn’t love her like he loves Liv. In the minds of men it’s all the same though.
One other reason why we love Liv so much is because even without the POTUS she is still an individual. She runs DC and she’s had Fitz’s back without him even knowing. She’s the perfect example of balancing who you are without overpowering your man. And yes I remember he’s married but we don’t like Millie. Their marriage was basically a business deal in the form of a marriage (shrug).
So there you have it. We love Olivia Pope and all of her short comings including being an adulteress. She is smart, pretty, in-charge, educated, resourceful, feminine, resilient and her love life is a mess. Olivia Pope represents what is perfect about women but at the same time what can be inherently wrong with us. We support her because she shields us from the judgmental side eyes we would get if we were in her shoes.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Unlike most things that have evolved with technology “online dating” is a concept that’s still treated like a scene from the 1976’s horror flick “Carrie”. If your friends find out you met him online – “they’re all gonna laugh at you.” If you need to Google “Carrie” please stop reading this article right . . . now. While online dating is becoming more main stream there are still those who for some reason believe that meeting someone via the computer isn’t normal. Yet this same person will disclose all of their personal business via updates to their 5k FB friends and only really know 102 of them. OK.
I’ve read a ton of articles that play on the “inside the box” theory about who dates online. You know “inside the box” compared to “outside the box” (which really makes no sense either but indulge me for a minute). Your “in the box” people are usually those described by the “outside the box” people as follows: unattractive, over weight, introverted, weird, shy and lonely. I know the internet has its more than fair share of the previously described folk but there are some very fabulous people (clearing my throat) that have used online dating services, fallen in love and even married their online connection. So let’s dispel the myth that only losers find other losers online.
I’ve always been amazed by the judgmental people that mock online romances yet rave about the person they met at the club or bar. Really? You didn’t meet him/her at the “We Are Curing Cancer Conference” so what’s the big whoop? The funniest article I’ve yet to read about online dating ended with the following statement “I may not be dating but at least I’m not dating these types of men”. Now grant it the men she was referring to had details in their profiles that were just down right crass. “Only looking to hook up”, “I’m recovering but I’m in a better place” and my all time favorite “I’m thinking about divorcing my wife so I figured I should see what’s out here”. These were real profiles people.
I even heard with my own two ears this woman’s account of how she was used and cheated on by someone she met online. Long story short, they met online, got acquainted and decided to meet in person. Here’s the stupidity in the story. She was the financier of everything. She flew him out too see her. He stayed at her place and she bank rolled their entire weekend together (Scooby Doo sound). I was sad that another woman had been played (not really). Then I thought for a second – WAITTTTT A MINUTE! I’VE HEARD STORY THIS BEFORE! Hmmm, you met a guy and he turned out to not be worth a damn. Then I remembered when I heard this story! All my life – SAT DOWN SOME WHERE. Just because someone has access to the internet it doesn’t make then asshole proof. Duh. My point is no matter how you meet someone you have to do your homework on them. If you’re considering dating online be sure to protect yourself. Match.com offers some really great advice for newbie’s http://www.match.com/help/safetytips.aspx).
The reason why I absolutely love online dating is because it’s a money saver for both men and women. Men don’t have to waste money trying to impress women they aren’t even sure are worth it. Wining and dining can add up. If the average date cost a man lets say $200. Dinner at a nice restaurant, the flowers he brings you (if he has any class), the gas he burned picking you up or meeting you there and maybe some other event during the evening if there was time. Sorry ladies but I’m with the fellas on this one. Three dates a month can easily cost a man $600. “Blowing Money Fast” is only a reality in make believe rap songs. So a dude is out of $200 per date just to find out if he wants to take a woman out again. I’m sorry but you’re no B and he’s not J. Let’s be a little more realistic about what a date is suppose to be and come down off the high horse it took you so long to climb onto. I know that’s difficult for some of you to do because you’re just so hot right? (LMAO).
For women there is also money invested but it’s on presentation. Take me for example, when I’m going on a first date I like to impress the man that has shown me he is interested in getting to know me. Add to the fact that I’m uber girly and you’ve got a woman that dedicates half a day to get ready. So hair, mani/pedi, brows and an appointment at the MAC counter is standard. Add the 2 hours it will take me to put it all together and there you have it. Time is money please believe me. Factor in how many frogs a girl must kiss in order to find her prince and you’ve got some major work being put in; all to determine if I want to go out with him again. That’s that ish I don’t like. It’s tiring and the returns on my investments haven’t always been optimum.
Dating online allows you to put your best foot (along with your best pics) forward. It’s actually more engaging than meeting someone in the traditional manner. There is no audience so performances in the club or at the bar are unnecessary. Put your swag away and develop a personality. All of the information is laid out for you to read. Sure people lie but then again what’s new? Pay a modest fee and there you have it. Hundreds of men (in my case) at your fingertips that have the opportunity to read your profile, drool over your pics and decide if they want to send you a message based on those two factors. I used to love checking my inbox. I felt like Clarence Carter singing “I Be Strokin”, my ego that is. At one point I literally had 158 messages from unique users on this one site I used.
Has my online search for love been easy – not really. I faced the same challenges I would have I met someone the old fashioned way but the difference this time around is I didn’t have to leave the comfort of my PJ’s and living room to hold a conversation. If the guy wasn’t my type it was easy to keep it moving. Of course you’re asking “so have you met anyone?’. Of course I have. That’s why online dating is that deal! If you want to be in a relationship and are having a difficult time meeting someone because of your work schedule and you’re simply a little too old to be on the scene I suggest you give it a shot. Twitter and FB flirting doesn’t count. You need to be proactively seeking out what you want. Plus paying for something usually puts a little spark in your involvement. Nothing in this life just happens so leeeeee-goooo! Its 2013, time to take advantage of the tools available.
Statistics show that 1 out of 4 couples met online and the number is still on the rise. Online dating is second in line only to meeting someone through friends or family.(http://christiehartman.com/blog/online-dating/some-interesting-statistics-on-online-dating/) Now ladies the only down side is that the numbers are stacked in favor of the men but what’s new? There are more female users on dating sites because men don’t typically like to fill out the long questionnaires associated with their profile.
Don’t underestimate the power of technology and love. It can be a beautiful thing people. You may as well get a jump on it. It’ll be as standard as FB before you know it.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
HAPPY NEW YEAR PEOPLE! OK, now that I’ve gotten that out of the way let’s move on to the hottest topic of the first day of the New Year – Kim-Yeezy’s baby. As most of you have already heard Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are expecting their first child. People who follow my articles know that I don’t write about ratchet reality or celebrities. It just isn't my deal but there are some much larger underlying issues within this story that I must address.
As soon as the news broke about baby KK my FB news-feed and Twitterverse was on fiyah! Many statuses and tweets were congratulatory at first but eventually a barrage of insults aimed at Kim began. The Bitter Heffa Association had found out and once again had proven themselves to be alive and well. First off let me say Kim Kardashian is not a “hoe” or “whore”. She's neither. No matter how many sex partners she's had, by definition she's not selling herself for profit. Now she may enjoy the attention that comes with her fame but it’s not her fault "your attention" pays her.
Secondly, based on the number of men she has dated (I know of about 8 or so) that number does not define who she is (even if it’s higher) and it certainly doesn’t make her a whore. If I could borrow a line from my girl Palencia M “Some of yall had the freshman 15 and I ain't talking about pounds.” If Kim is a whore by definition of numbers then her accusers are certainly the causes of the “hoe-zone layer” being in its current condition.
Lets just be real about why some women feel they way they do about Kim. Now the reason most women call her a "hoe" or "whore" is because they want what she has and are mad they believed the hype on how one goes about attaining such a lavish lifestyle. The attention, the fame, the men, the fortune and the hundreds of thousands of twitter followers is what they want and she has it. See most women drank the kool- aid. The ingredients to the kool aid are as follows: go to school, get your education and while you’re matriculating on your college campus remember that “good girls don't do this and good girls don't do that (and if you happen to commit a whorish act LIE AND DENY); graduate, get your six figure job, ball outta control, the end.
But what we weren't told is that ish is a farce. You will not be ballin out of control with that $60k in student loan debt you acquired to get your $50k/year job. So now reality begins to sink in. Fast forward a few years. Add social media and our insatiable appetites for the bull*hit we call “celebrity news” and what you now have is a "you're suppose to have this" society. You’re supposed to look like this. You’re supposed to drive that. You’re supposed to live like this and the bottoms of your shoes are supposed to be red. “WHAT! I CAN’T AFFORD THIS ISH!” is what we should be yelling; but remember we drank the kool-aid so we are killing ourselves by trying to keep up.
Then out of the blue (queue the Law & Order intro tone). Here comes Kim K. She has no talent, no education but she has a sex tape. This sex tape not only catapults her into the mainstream media spotlight but it also confirms she has a certain set of skills. Let’s also add to the equation that she’s pretty, thick and only dates what most Black women claim they can’t find, A BLACK MAN - ISH JUST GOT REAL! (and these aren’t random ookie doke negroes). Now present this scenario to the kool-aid drinkers. See the "kool aid" created the backlash. The last thing a woman is supposed to do is get paid for her sexuality and then be accepted for it. When she decided to roll the dice and it turned into profit, well, the kool aid drinkers got mad. Like damn, that's all I had to do? Chris Jenner is a marketing genius. Her mother saw a $60 million opportunity and flipped it.
Now the down fall to this is what is says about our moral fiber as people. Not men, not women, not Black, not White (or Armenian). ALL PEOPLE. Nowadays every move is a strategic move to get that all mighty dollar no matter what people have to do to get it. Just remember every hustle has a consequence. Yeah we all fall short but our shortcomings are making for a generation of people that have no desire to create a better world. We have allowed money to be a replacement for everything. The child is a blessing for Kim and Kanye sure; and having a child outside of wedlock is no different from what people have been doing since before the beginning of time. Hell my mom was a teenage mother with me.
The slippery slope is that this is now normal and for those who can't pay for a proper upbringing or even take care of their children without government assistance, well those are the ones we need to be worried about. K&K are trend setters who we need not concern ourselves with. It's the trend followers that scare the hell out of me.
Thought for the New Year – stop trying to keep up with people who aren't in your lane. As a matter of fact they don’t even travel the same route as you. Create your own lane and there is where you will find true happiness. Sad part about that last sentence is that most people will never know what happiness really is (and have no desire to seek it out) but they can tell you the last time KK was spotted in public together. Get a *ucking LIFE.