Why We Love the Adulteress Olivia Pope and Her Boo Fitz.

  

   While the television show “Scandal” hasn’t been on a full two seasons it is poised to become ABC’s #1 drama. With 7.4 million viewers on December 6 for the mid season finale and ranking #1 with adults 18-49, “Scandal” is just too deelish to miss. Great writing, engaging characters, plots as thick as Urkel’s glasses and enough frienemies to question one’s BFF rankings, “Scandal” has enough clout to garner an uninterrupted, one hour standing appointment every Thursday at 10pm in my home.

   Now that we’ve crunched the numbers and quantified the hype lets talk about the real reason women (not all but 99%) are tuning in. Liv and Fitz! Baaaay-bay! Mm Mm Mm. The love between those two is breath taking. This man loves him some Liv and this woman loves her some Fitz. These two have enough on screen chemistry to make you forget that she is Black and he is White and oh yeah, almost forgot, he’s married. Fitzgerald Thomas Grant, III, President of the United States is married and having an affair with Olivia Pope, his former image consultant. Such is life. This story line isn’t new but it contains some elements that debunk and also reinforce the stark differences in men and women’s attitudes when it comes to love; not marriage but love. That four letter word that neither gender (as a whole) has been able to successfully define and live out.

   Like clock work every Thursday night after “Scandal” airs my news feed reads like a 2013 version of “War of the Roses”. “Team Liv!” “I heart Liv and Fitz”. “They belong together!” Of course these are post created by women. Shortly thereafter the men chime in. “She’s a Hoe”, “If she were sleeping with your husband you wouldn’t be going “awww”. “Women are defending her actions and they know she’s wrong, he’s a married man.”

   The character Olivia Pope is pushing the envelope and challenging women to be honest about how we really feel versus doing what is right. Because we are emotionally driven we will do what we “feel” every time hands down. It’s been a long standing tradition that women have embraced – tarring each other down. We’ve been characterized as catty; hateful towards one another and even been charged with keeping our ugly friends around to make us look better.

   Well, the first two simply aren’t true based on the number of supporters this fictional character Olivia Pope has, even as an adulteress. We have indirectly admitted that all is fair in the name of love and war including cheating. Women have a tendency to play the holier than thou role except when it comes to love (which men don’t understand). Women across the board are pulling for this television love because we wish in our hearts of hearts that this type of love could happen for us and if it doesn’t well damnit Olivia Pope’s fictional love is real enough. Make sense? Not if you’re a man. Maybe this will help. Men we (women) don’t let things like ego and rules get in the way of an objective. There you have it – we don’t give a damn that he’s married. They are soul mates. Period. End of discussion.

    Let’s not get it twisted though. Fitz is a cheater and there is a difference between a “cheater” and “cheated”. Cheated is past tense and implies it was a one time indiscretion. Could happen to any one, true, but remember the pregnant intern. HEY! I get it – it’s different he didn’t love her like he loves Liv. In the minds of men it’s all the same though.

   One other reason why we love Liv so much is because even without the POTUS she is still an individual. She runs DC and she’s had Fitz’s back without him even knowing. She’s the perfect example of balancing who you are without overpowering your man.  And yes I remember he’s married but we don’t like Millie. Their marriage was basically a business deal in the form of a marriage (shrug).

   

   So there you have it. We love Olivia Pope and all of her short comings including being an adulteress. She is smart, pretty, in-charge, educated, resourceful, feminine, resilient and her love life is a mess. Olivia Pope represents what is perfect about women but at the same time what can be inherently wrong with us. We support her because she shields us from the judgmental side eyes we would get if we were in her shoes.

  

   

Online Dating Is That Deal!

   Unlike most things that have evolved with technology “online dating” is a concept that’s still treated like a scene from the 1976’s horror flick “Carrie”. If your friends find out you met him online – “they’re all gonna laugh at you.” If you need to Google “Carrie” please stop reading this article right . . . now. While online dating is becoming more main stream there are still those who for some reason believe that meeting someone via the computer isn’t normal. Yet this same person will disclose all of their personal business via updates to their 5k FB friends and only really know 102 of them. OK.

   I’ve read a ton of articles that play on the “inside the box” theory about who dates online. You know “inside the box” compared to “outside the box” (which really makes no sense either but indulge me for a minute). Your “in the box” people are usually those described by the “outside the box” people as follows: unattractive, over weight, introverted, weird, shy and lonely. I know the internet has its more than fair share of the previously described folk but there are some very fabulous people (clearing my throat) that have used online dating services, fallen in love and even married their online connection. So let’s dispel the myth that only losers find other losers online.

  I’ve always been amazed by the judgmental people that mock online romances yet rave about the person they met at the club or bar. Really? You didn’t meet him/her at the “We Are Curing Cancer Conference” so what’s the big whoop? The funniest article I’ve yet to read about online dating ended with the following statement “I may not be dating but at least I’m not dating these types of men”. Now grant it the men she was referring to had details in their profiles that were just down right crass. “Only looking to hook up”, “I’m recovering but I’m in a better place” and my all time favorite “I’m thinking about divorcing my wife so I figured I should see what’s out here”. These were real profiles people.

   I even heard with my own two ears this woman’s account of how she was used and cheated on by someone she met online. Long story short, they met online, got acquainted and decided to meet in person. Here’s the stupidity in the story. She was the financier of everything. She flew him out too see her. He stayed at her place and she bank rolled their entire weekend together (Scooby Doo sound). I was sad that another woman had been played (not really). Then I thought for a second – WAITTTTT A MINUTE! I’VE HEARD STORY THIS BEFORE! Hmmm, you met a guy and he turned out to not be worth a damn. Then I remembered when I heard this story! All my life – SAT DOWN SOME WHERE. Just because someone has access to the internet it doesn’t make then asshole proof. Duh. My point is no matter how you meet someone you have to do your homework on them. If you’re considering dating online be sure to protect yourself. Match.com offers some really great advice for newbie’s http://www.match.com/help/safetytips.aspx).

   The reason why I absolutely love online dating is because it’s a money saver for both men and women. Men don’t have to waste money trying to impress women they aren’t even sure are worth it. Wining and dining can add up. If the average date cost a man lets say $200. Dinner at a nice restaurant, the flowers he brings you (if he has any class), the gas he burned picking you up or meeting you there and maybe some other event during the evening if there was time. Sorry ladies but I’m with the fellas on this one. Three dates a month can easily cost a man $600. “Blowing Money Fast” is only a reality in make believe rap songs. So a dude is out of $200 per date just to find out if he wants to take a woman out again. I’m sorry but you’re no B and he’s not J. Let’s be a little more realistic about what a date is suppose to be and come down off the high horse it took you so long to climb onto. I know that’s difficult for some of you to do because you’re just so hot right? (LMAO).

   For women there is also money invested but it’s on presentation. Take me for example, when I’m going on a first date I like to impress the man that has shown me he is interested in getting to know me. Add to the fact that I’m uber girly and you’ve got a woman that dedicates half a day to get ready. So hair, mani/pedi, brows and an appointment at the MAC counter is standard. Add the 2 hours it will take me to put it all together and there you have it. Time is money please believe me. Factor in how many frogs a girl must kiss in order to find her prince and you’ve got some major work being put in; all to determine if I want to go out with him again. That’s that ish I don’t like. It’s tiring and the returns on my investments haven’t always been optimum.

   Dating online allows you to put your best foot (along with your best pics) forward. It’s actually more engaging than meeting someone in the traditional manner. There is no audience so performances in the club or at the bar are unnecessary. Put your swag away and develop a personality. All of the information is laid out for you to read. Sure people lie but then again what’s new? Pay a modest fee and there you have it. Hundreds of men (in my case) at your fingertips that have the opportunity to read your profile, drool over your pics and decide if they want to send you a message based on those two factors. I used to love checking my inbox. I felt like Clarence Carter singing “I Be Strokin”, my ego that is. At one point I literally had 158 messages from unique users on this one site I used.

   Has my online search for love been easy – not really. I faced the same challenges I would have I met someone the old fashioned way but the difference this time around is I didn’t have to leave the comfort of my PJ’s and living room to hold a conversation. If the guy wasn’t my type it was easy to keep it moving. Of course you’re asking “so have you met anyone?’. Of course I have. That’s why online dating is that deal! If you want to be in a relationship and are having a difficult time meeting someone because of your work schedule and you’re simply a little too old to be on the scene I suggest you give it a shot. Twitter and FB flirting doesn’t count. You need to be proactively seeking out what you want. Plus paying for something usually puts a little spark in your involvement. Nothing in this life just happens so leeeeee-goooo! Its 2013, time to take advantage of the tools available.

   Statistics show that 1 out of 4 couples met online and the number is still on the rise. Online dating is second in line only to meeting someone through friends or family.(http://christiehartman.com/blog/online-dating/some-interesting-statistics-on-online-dating/) Now ladies the only down side is that the numbers are stacked in favor of the men but what’s new? There are more female users on dating sites because men don’t typically like to fill out the long questionnaires associated with their profile.

  Don’t underestimate the power of technology and love. It can be a beautiful thing people. You may as well get a jump on it. It’ll be as standard as FB before you know it.

Despite Popular Opinion Kim Kardashian is Not A Whore

    HAPPY NEW YEAR PEOPLE! OK, now that I’ve gotten that out of the way let’s move on to the hottest topic of the first day of the New Year – Kim-Yeezy’s baby. As most of you have already heard Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are expecting their first child. People who follow my articles know that I don’t write about ratchet reality or celebrities. It just isn't my deal but there are some much larger underlying issues within this story that I must address.

   As soon as the news broke about baby KK my FB news-feed and Twitterverse was on fiyah! Many statuses and tweets were congratulatory at first but eventually a barrage of insults aimed at Kim began. The Bitter Heffa Association had found out and once again had proven themselves to be alive and well. First off let me say Kim Kardashian is not a “hoe” or “whore”. She's neither. No matter how many sex partners she's had, by definition she's not selling herself for profit. Now she may enjoy the attention that comes with her fame but it’s not her fault "your attention" pays her.

   Secondly, based on the number of men she has dated (I know of about 8 or so) that number does not define who she is (even if it’s higher) and it certainly doesn’t make her a whore. If I could borrow a line from my girl Palencia M “Some of yall had the freshman 15 and I ain't talking about pounds.” If Kim is a whore by definition of numbers then her accusers are certainly the causes of the “hoe-zone layer” being in its current condition.

   Lets just be real about why some women feel they way they do about Kim. Now the reason most women call her a "hoe" or "whore" is because they want what she has and are mad they believed the hype on how one goes about attaining such a lavish lifestyle. The attention, the fame, the men, the fortune and the hundreds of thousands of twitter followers is what they want and she has it. See most women drank the kool- aid. The ingredients to the kool aid are as follows: go to school, get your education and while you’re matriculating on your college campus remember that “good girls don't do this and good girls don't do that (and if you happen to commit a whorish act LIE AND DENY); graduate, get your six figure job, ball outta control, the end.

   But what we weren't told is that ish is a farce. You will not be ballin out of control with that $60k in student loan debt you acquired to get your $50k/year job. So now reality begins to sink in. Fast forward a few years. Add social media and our insatiable appetites for the bull*hit we call “celebrity news” and what you now have is a "you're suppose to have this" society. You’re supposed to look like this. You’re supposed to drive that. You’re supposed to live like this and the bottoms of your shoes are supposed to be red. “WHAT! I CAN’T AFFORD THIS ISH!” is what we should be yelling; but remember we drank the kool-aid so we are killing ourselves by trying to keep up.

     Then out of the blue (queue the Law & Order intro tone). Here comes Kim K. She has no talent, no education but she has a sex tape. This sex tape not only catapults her into the mainstream media spotlight but it also confirms she has a certain set of skills. Let’s also add to the equation that she’s pretty, thick and only dates what most Black women claim they can’t find, A BLACK MAN - ISH JUST GOT REAL! (and these aren’t random ookie doke negroes). Now present this scenario to the kool-aid drinkers. See the "kool aid" created the backlash. The last thing a woman is supposed to do is get paid for her sexuality and then be accepted for it. When she decided to roll the dice and it turned into profit, well, the kool aid drinkers got mad. Like damn, that's all I had to do? Chris Jenner is a marketing genius. Her mother saw a $60 million opportunity and flipped it.

  

   Now the down fall to this is what is says about our moral fiber as people. Not men, not women, not Black, not White (or Armenian). ALL PEOPLE. Nowadays every move is a strategic move to get that all mighty dollar no matter what people have to do to get it. Just remember every hustle has a consequence. Yeah we all fall short but our shortcomings are making for a generation of people that have no desire to create a better world. We have allowed money to be a replacement for everything. The child is a blessing for Kim and Kanye sure; and having a child outside of wedlock is no different from what people have been doing since before the beginning of time. Hell my mom was a teenage mother with me.

   The slippery slope is that this is now normal and for those who can't pay for a proper upbringing or even take care of their children without government assistance, well those are the ones we need to be worried about. K&K are trend setters who we need not concern ourselves with. It's the trend followers that scare the hell out of me.

   Thought for the New Year – stop trying to keep up with people who aren't in your lane. As a matter of fact they don’t even travel the same route as you. Create your own lane and there is where you will find true happiness. Sad part about that last sentence is that most  people will never know what happiness really is (and have no desire to seek it out) but they can tell you the last time KK was spotted in public together. Get a *ucking LIFE.

Racist? Eeh. Asshole? Yes.

 

   

By now I'm sure you've seen the caricature-esq impersonation of Srena Williams performed by Caroline Wozniacki. If you haven't here's what happened. During an exhibition match in Brazil, Danish tennis player Wozniacki stuffs her bra and shorts to increase the size of her breast and apple bottom during her match against Maria Sharapova. Honestly, when I first saw the picture I immediately thought "she looks ridiculous".  Not because of the claims of racial undertones; but it simply wasn't funny. I've seen impersonations performed by non-professionals (like my family members around the dinner table) who were funnier. Yeah, yeah I get it; it's a joke she's suppose to look ridiculous right? Really? I'll come back to that shortly. Some say this so called friend of Serena's was only joking (as she claims); others see her exploit as racist.

   Dictionary.com defines racism as "a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human races determine cultural or individual achievement,usually involving the idea that one's own race is superior and has the right to rule others". Based on that definition I can't totally agree that Wozniacki's performance was racist if I use the definition as a reference point; but I do believe that she (along with most people) have a predisposed thought process that desensitizes them to the strife that many suffer in the name of a joke. Overall, as a human race, our intolerance has festered and is boiling over with the inability to be compassionate; especially when it comes to those who find themselves successful in an arena where very few people look like them. I almost feel as if a house nigger shows up, props himself on the shoulder of the offender and says "don't worry bout us. we's gon' hush up. No matter what you do or say massah we ain't gon' complain. We knows you shole been good to us and we's grateful; we's here and that's a good thing. Look how far you've let us come. So you just gon' head with whatever you wanna do or say". So amazing that the offenders get a pass and the offended are suppose to be the bigger person, smile and let it go.

  The real question we should be asking is why are the physical characteristics of Serena being made into a joke? These are characteristics that are directly tied to African Americans and there is nothing we can do about it. It's how we are built. Amazing that "voluptuous" and "fat ass" were not terms used positively when identifying body parts until J Lo hit the scene. And even then the compliment wasn't paid to Black women. Sistah's have been carrying this feature (pun intended) since the beginning of time yet it's only acceptable when the masses give the green light.

   There are claims that Serena wasn't offended and just rolled with it. But really what sort of statement is Serena Williams suppose to put out after a stunt like that? Whatever she could have possibly said would be so heavily scrutinized that we wouldn't even remember how it all began. It's pretty sad when voyeuristic behavior performed by tabloid media is accepted (but then again we are a sad people) because we write it off as "par for the course". If you accept the riches that your talents will bring then you agree that any one on the face of the earth has a right to disrespect you in the name of their opinion or as a joke in this case .

   People (not just Black women) have suffered at the hands of people who are well, assholes. I really don't feel like coming up with another word because asshole works so well. Assholes usually stick and move with a hidden agenda.The issue I have with this particular asshole (Wozniacki) is that she is the most dangerous kind of asshole. She seems to be operating in a zombie like state. Doing what she has seen others do; totally unaware of what her behavior suggests about how she really feels about her "friend". If ever given the opportunity I would first like to ask Wozniacki what she thinks of Serena Williams? Not that she would answer honestly but I would really like to know. 

   Which brings me to my point in the first paragraph about Wozniacki looking ridiculous. Unlike an addiction or learned behavior Serena can't help the donk. So to take jabs at her physical features is insensitive. Caroline, do you really in your heart of hearts think that with everything Serena has endured in the world of tennis (where only a handful of Black women have excelled) that she really thought your display of how "you" see her was at all funny? I'm sorry I've made the mistake of using the word "think". In order to "think" you must first care. You Caroline could careless about Serena. If you were a real friend you would know how this makes Serena feel even without her confiding in you that it bothers her. Which I'm sure she hasn't. The last thing she needs is her "friends" tweeting "OMG. Serena can't take a joke." Do Serena a favor and find someone else to mock. You can start with yourself and the fact that you have yet to win a Grand Slam title. Now there's a quick way to start trending.

Damn. I Got Played

 

   

   
     It's just as the headline reads - I got played. Now let me explain what that means. I'm dating. The purpose of me dating is to find my significant other (I'm a bit too mature to refer to someone as a "boyfriend"). Once my significant other and I have found each other the goal for us will be to become engaged. After that, marriage. It's that simple. Date. Commit. Engage. Marry. Of course, there is a ton of bull*hit that will come with getting through those simple yet complex steps but I'm willing to do the work so I'm expecting a great return. 

    I'm not sure if most women employ this tactic but I'm very upfront about what I want and expect. It's never with a disrespectful, finger waving, neck rolling tone either. I simply communicate what I'm looking for and what I want for my life. I'm also all about making sure I am doing right by the person I'm in a relationship with. If it doesn't work, then hey, that's OK as well. More often times than not I do meet really good guys and we simply don't work. There is either no chemistry or he just isn't that into me or vice versa. That's it.

    With me being an upfront type of gal I usually do a great job of weeding out the "one and done" type of guy. The "OAD" guy is the one you have 1 date with and they decide you're not worth the effort (for whatever the reason). Now, what I wasn't prepared for was the guy that decides "Yeah, I hear you but imma still try to *uck. I hear what you're saying about your vision for a marriage and a husband. You've laid out your expectations. We might be able to have something but I'm not sure if I really want that with you. One thing I do know  is that I would *uck you if given the opportunity. That relationship thing, eeh. 

    This is the dude who got by my years of experience. IKR. Shame on me. So here's the deal. I've been "dating" (getting to know each other without engaging in casual, non-committal sex) someone for about a month. I liked him because he made me laugh and I felt comfortable around him almost immediately. Unlike some men (even those that are educated) he didn't use curse words (at least around me), which was so refreshing. There are just some things that I don't do in the presence of a man and I expect the same. Things like cursing, yelling, burping, farting or not excusing myself from a room full of men when I'm the only woman, are just not feminine characteristics. And no matter how comfortable I am with my man I would never do those things around him. So when he displayed some of this same behavior I was like "awwwl right nah". 

   Out the gate we were able to talk about community, politics, pop culture, parenting and a host of other topics. I asked the questions I wanted to know the answers to and his answers  worked for me. Now, lets fast forward to the what I call the "regrouping" stage. I like to ask the guy I'm dating similar questions to the ones I asked when we initially met. It's not a game but once a person gets to know you their answers and perspectives change. My uncle has always told me "they all come out of the gate good but how he runs the race for you is the deciding factor on how he feels about you."

Me: "So, why haven't you had a girlfriend?" 

Him: "I don't want one."

Me: (Scooby Doo) urrgghh? Then what are you doing on a dating website with a defined status of "Looking For: Serious relationship"? (I was really thinking then WTH are we doing?)

Him: "I mean if I find her then cool.  . . . I just go with it".

Me: "Have you ever purchased a plane ticket without knowing the flight's destination? Ending up in Bangladesh is quite different than ending up in Turks & Caicos?"

Him: Naw but I mean I feel like it's more difficult to find a person to date than it is to keep a serious relationship or marriage together. So I just go with whatever.

   This conversation with this new person continued for about 30 minutes. I don't even remember what the hell we discussed in the last 30 minutes. I was still back on the "I don't want one" answer. This is when I discovered I had played myself. I made the assumption that because I had made my intentions known early on that we were both moving in the same direction. A relationship. Clearly what I know I want ( a significant other/husband) is different from his very casual approach to eventually finding "miss right" or "miss right now". My girl told me that I go to hard in the paint on dudes. She said that I don't allow enough time for things to develop and that I'm too quick to keep it moving.

   I believed that for about 3 days then I resorted to what works for me - I kept it moving. In the process of keeping it moving I'm not going to do any male bashing or call up the "Bitter Heifer Association" for a night out with the girls. I'm simply going to examine my behavior and adjust it (if necessary). I'll do this while trying to refrain from singing Jasmine Sullivan's "I Bust the Windows Out Your Car". JUST KIDDING!!! I know, I know. It's only been about 30 days worth of dating. Better than 3 years right? But disappointment is disappointment just like pain is pain. There is no threshold based on the source.  I kinda feel like that helium balloon that you watch slowly deflate over the course of a few weeks. Needless to say but dating today is hard work and can take a toll on anyone (man or woman). Quite honestly being back to square 1 sucks.

   I wanted to share this experience because as humans we do a great job at giving out advise and appear to have all the answers without divulging any of the heartache. I came across a quote that read "Never compare your everyday life to someone else's highlight reel". That is indeed what social media is. Articles, status updates, tweets, perfect pics - it's all the good stuff. The stuff we don't mind showing the world. Me - I'm 'bout real life. The good, the bad, the ugly. I'm at a point where I don't mind sharing who I really am and in the process I hope to make my mess a message.

   At the end of the day we ARE ALL CRAY! It's simply about finding the one that can love your cray and so in that spirit of wanting to be loved we continue on. Since there is always one asshole that emails me or comments and takes the article totally out of context let me be perfectly clear. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I don't write to bash men. I don't write to bash women. I write with the objective of informing and expressing what I have learned and experienced. At the end of the day we all (that's right) ALL of us want to be loved by someone other than our Momma. If sharing my mess ups gets one person through a tough day or encourages someone to move forward with doing what is right instead of trying to be right - then mission accomplished. 

   In short, we have got to do better by each other. Any one that can look at the state of today's relationships and accept them as they are has a problem. If you can't see how *ucked up things really are out here then you sir/ma`me are apart of the problem. We don't love or care about each other any more and that makes me sad. I have no shame in being human.

   Keep ya heads up ladies and gents. In the words of Sam Cooke, "its been a long time coming . . . but change gon' come." Now I know Sam was making a political statement about racism and division but look at the way we treat "Love". It's hated. It's misunderstood. It's taken for granted. It's exploited. It's accepted behind closed doors where the world can't see it. If "Love" is not the new minority then tell me what else is.

the truth about . . . Jay Z aka Sean Carter

"Now these *iggas is mad, oh they call me a camel. But I mastered the drought, what the *uck. I'm an animal. Half man half mammal;  my sign is a Sag. This is just what I planned to do, oh, don't be mad."

  At this very moment as I'm putting pen to paper I'm streaming J. Without doubt he is THE BEST TO EVER DO IT. PERIOD. Just like they'll never be another group like the Beatles or a pop phenom like Micheal Jackson; they'll never be another Jay Z aka Sean Carter. And when I say "do it" I'm referring to "doing" Hip Hop. Not this bull*hit that most late 80's and beyond babies happily download and recite. That ish is "rap music".

     I could go on and on listing the many accomplishments of J. I mean any time you're on "lets get together and change the course of history" terms with the POTUS there's not much more that needs to be said. But for the sake of substantiating this point let's continue. I must first define Hip Hop in order to lay claim as to why J (and I refer to him as J because I know him and no, he doesn't know me) is the epitome of the definition. Hip Hop is not a beat. Hip Hop is not lyrical content (although lyrical depth is completely MIA these days). Hip Hop is not one dimensional. Hip Hop is not defined by cars, clothes, money and hoes. Hip Hop is not a genre.

   Hip Hop is life and death; both coexisting at the same time. Hip Hop is a continual cycle of strategically abducting the less than fair opportunity that life will grin and begrudgingly hand you; as if it is doing you some sort of favor. Hip Hop is evolutionary. Hip Hop is NOT concluding that the *ucked up circumstances you were born into is all there is to life. Hood for life right? What dumbass wants to stay in the hood? Hip Hop is NOT about "work hard play hard". Have you ever been witness to Steve Jobs(R.I.P.), Mark Zuckerburg or Oprah Winfrey "working" hard. Strategically planning? Yes. Critically thinking? Yes. But "working" (which is a physical act), No. 

   I don't need to chronicle his "rags to riches" tale (Google it). J isn't the best to ever do it because of the money any way. J respected the game. Learned the game. Reinvented the game. Then transitioned the game.  All by doing what ALL grown men do - "Yall should grow the *UCK up come here let me coach you". 

1. Be receptive to opportunity (learning from BIG he recognized how Hip Hop could alter his life. Bow-tie before I die ).

2. Exploit the opportunity (independently hustling what he knew best; not product but the streets)

3. Give 'em what they want and get what you need ("I dumb down for my audience to double my dollars")

4. Admit that eagles can't soar with pigeons ("Hov had to get the shallow *hit up off him")

5. Learn from you're surroundings instead of becoming enchanted with them (40/40 Clubs over cars)

6. Accept your demons and deal with them (forgiving the man that abandoned him wasn't easy but understanding that his forgiveness wasn't for his Dad but for Blue Ivy was monumental (you'll get that later- hopefully)

7.Engage with people who are where you want to be (I doubt Warren Buffet will ever sit down with Rick Ross).

  Is J Einstein? Nope. "Far from a Harvard student; just had the balls to do it." To put it simply, J is the epitome of the perfect storm; in which he uses the elements of non-traditional hustle and intellect to secure his seat at the table.  He runs an empire. He engages the wealthy (not rich) and powerful. He's a giver (". . .ask Columbine"). He's a philanthropist (". . .gave water out to everybody"). He's a son. He's a husband. He's a father. There are over 300 million pics of J available on the G search engine. Not one (at least that I saw) in a compromising position.  He saw what he could be and was smart enough not to compromise. He didn't take the bait - visionary. Sure, SuperHead outed him but how many men turn down good head? Besides it's not like this was a rarity for her.


   Hip Hop is a gift to those of us that were born with shades of brown skin (Em is an outlier). It is a courtesy passed down  to us a.k.a. "those people". In its simplest form it's a chance. Not one that should be happily watered down because "rappers" can't get past their own limited vision and intellectually combine life and lyrics. Repeating "ass" is as about as deep as a puddle on a day the sun never stops shining.

  Since this "gift" has been passed on to J he's cultivated it; raised the requirements to be included within the ranks of the greats (Em, Pimp-Juice and Us). He is the best to ever do it. He is Hip Hop.

 



 

  

the truth about . . . You're not thick your FAT (part II)

  Not too long ago I wrote a piece on weight. It was a kind way of saying, "hey, things are getting out of control with how much America is beginning to weigh." To be fair and authentic, any topic I write about is being written from a personal perspective. I know what it's like to be overweight. Having been a resident of "umpuh-lumpuhville" myself (weighing 225lbs), I get it. Which is why it's difficult for me to have compassion for people who refuse to acknowledge what's happening to their bodies or work to improve them.

   It's extremely difficult for me to understand this new era of "fat". This overconfident, brash, pushy, presumptuous, over-bearing woman that is in denial about two things. 1.) her health. 2.) the way she looks. Let me set the record straight so that men aren't left to do the heavy lifting (pun intended). There is nothing remotely sexy or appealing about a woman that is obese or morbidly obese. N O T  H I N G!!! And just because the porn industry has a BBW category doesn't make it acceptable. There is also a difference between dressing like a lady or a whore no matter your size. Today I'm addressing the whores (or as most rap songs say "these ho's).

   You may be kind. You may be talented. You may be smart. You may be educated. You may be pretty. Those qualities alone are enough to radiate sexiness. But NOOOOO. You'd rather prance around in a dress that was originated for a size 0, 2 or 4 and you're a size 24. Do you not know what you look like? In short, please stop disrespecting yourself. If you can't do that at least respect the fact that many of us don't wanna see you - NAKED. I know what some of you are thinking, don't look then. Sorry, we are innocent onlookers; mesmerized like a deer in the headlights. Which is why we can't stop looking.

   Is everyone woman going to be a size 0, 2, or 4? No. Should every woman be a size 0, 2 or 4? No. But every woman should know the truth. Parading yourself around half naked looking like a rump roast before the strings are removed or a can of busted biscuits just to prove you're some how competitive with the skinny chics is sad. It does nothing but reinforce the stereotype that you will do anything and everything for the attention you are craving. You have a group of friends who all look just like you and instead of saying "Damn, this is not a good look. We are out of breath; we have high blood pressure and we are predisposed to diabetes based on family history. We are using the electronic cart at the grocery store because we can't walk for 30 minutes. We gotta get this ish under control. We don't have to look like toothpicks but we gotta do something. Let's support each other and get it done." 

    That is clearly not the conversation. The convo goes something like this "Girl bye! I'm HOTT just like the rest of these broads. My hair is fly (which I refuse to sweat out by the way), I can dress and I got a cute face". 

    What you've done is surrounded yourself with a group of peers that affirm your mess. Instead of you taking the "Bitter Heffa Association" to the next level you'd rather slap high fives with them so you can stay in your comfort zone. You'd rather be tolerable than chased. The average man will say "yeah, I'd hit" (at least for right now). And I've conversed with plenty of men that have shared with me how they really feel.  

   "If I'm with a woman and I love her and she begins to gain weight I'm not going to leave her but things may change if I'm not attracted to her sexually any more."

  "If I treated my wife/significant other a certain way when we first met (flowers, candy, shopping, trips, etc.) and I stopped, wouldn't she be upset? Now if she gains weight, like a lot of weight, I'm not suppose to be upset? That's not how we began our relationship".

  "The side walk is free. That and a jump rope is all you need . Plus she buys them damn Tyler Perry movies on bootleg; get that Insanity or something too; but by all means do something to show me you care about yourself."

  Men have a legitimate gripe (and yes so do women). There are plenty of men suffering from "Dickdo". That's an ailment that forces your stomach to stick out further than yo' *ick do. I'll be addressing the men soon - don't worry. This is certainly not about men though. Simply put its reality. I'm sick of women trying to make "fat" pretty and acceptable. It is not. It's not acceptable to treat your body any kind of way. It's not acceptable to eat  yourself into a congestive heart failure status. It is not acceptable to use the excuse of "eating healthy cost too much". It's not acceptable to say "this is how we eat as a community". 

   As much as people like to yell "YOLO" it is amazing to me that those idiots are forgetting it is "self awareness" that is the biggest determining factor in how long that actually is. We (ladies) have got to do better.

INBOX QUESTION AFTER ARTICLE WAS WRITTEN:

Q:  Since you have so much to say about being fat how much do you weigh now? Did you have surgery? How did you lose the weight? I'm just curious. Do you have any pics?

A: Thank you for your question. I'm glad you were able to read the article subjectively. I currently weigh 147lbs. I didn't have ANY type of surgery (gastric bypass, lipo or tummy tuck) or use ANY food program (Jenny Craing, Weight Watchers, etc) . I lost the weight by hitting the gym 5-6 days a week. I also became a certified fitness instructor which helps me to stay active. The chic in the black bikini - that's me May 2012!! YOLO!!!!!!!