Tuesday, November 13, 2012

the truth about . . . the 90 Day Rule


     The 90 (pause)  Day (pause)  Rule (pause). Any one who has heard this phrase knows it's the time period in which a woman decides if she will sleep with a man. Most recently the phrase has been made popular by comedian and author Steve Harvey. The "90 Day Rule" is suppose to provide women with a  man's true intentions once the "honeymoon" phase is over (which by current standards is about 30 days).

   At first I had mixed reviews about the timeline. There is no guarantee that while a man is in the probationary period he isn't sleeping with someone else; or that he isn't simply waiting the 90 days and will then move on. After being on information overload about what to do, what not to do, when to do it, blah, blah, blah; I decided to go back and re-read Mr. Harvey's book. WHO FREAK-IN  KNEW! Get this ladies. The 90 Day Rule has very little to do with sex . While sex is the cherry on top of a long awaited sundae; it SHOULD NOT be the goal. I've heard a ton of women say "I waited the 90 days and it still didn't work out between us". That's because women are making the 90 days about him (sex) instead of making it about them. 

   Now me I'm old school (and my friends clown me for this to no end) but if  I have sex with a man - NEWSFLASH - we go together (who even uses that terminology any more?) Juvenile it may seem but its worked for me. We are indeed in a committed relationship once sex comes into play. And for the record getting to the point of intimacy with me will take some time. Please don't think you'll pass me the note that reads "I like you. Do you like me? Check yes, no or maybe. Then once "yes" is checked we'll be doing the nasty. Sex equals commitment, PERIOD. Now I know that seems a bit far fetched considering sex is as easy to get as unwanted friend request but that's how I roll. And I take great pride in telling any suitor this fairly early in the courting stages.

 Here's where the "90 Day Rule" can confuse some of us. We think that making him wait 90 days some hows forces him to see how great we are. Once he recognizes that we really do like him and that we'd make a great girlfriend its smooth sailing once the 90 days is up. W R O N G. If the only thing you accomplish in 90 days is making him wait then you ma'am have failed. Now hear this - the "90 Day Rule" is for YOU to decide if this man is truly worth your all based on HIS ACTIONS - NOT THE 90 DAYS. Did he care enough to bring you soup when you had a cold. Did he ever inquire about how your day was? Was he at the funeral of a loved one that passed? Was he cool with being around your friends and/or family? Can he offer you any thing besides hard *ick and bubblegum? If not, then keep it moving. Stop wasting your time thinking because he waited 90 days that he's into you.

  There are approximately 24 weekends within a 90 day period. If both of you have full time jobs, extracurricular activities, children, a gym routine and make time for family and friends, how much time are you really left with? Let's say you squeeze in an extra day a week. That only adds 12 days to the 24. Now we're at 36 whole days for you to make a decision about if you'll give yourself to this man. Damn shame.

   Ladies, I know we want him to put a ring on it; but he never will if we don't place a value on it. Now don't get me wrong I LOVE Mr. Harvey and all that he stands for. He reminds me of my Dad (suits and all). He loves his daughters, which inspired him to write the book. That love has trickled down and helped millions of women. But he can't do it all by himself. We have to stand in our truth and own it. Don't be afraid of the standards you put in place for any man. Hell, if you're like me and single, having standards can't make you any more single. It simply weeds out the "1 and Dones". 

  I know. It looks like the H.O.E.S. are winning (see the truth about . . . H.O.E.S). They have the ass implants, the ballers (legal as well as illegal), they have the red bottoms, the most likes on FB and their immoral behavior is rewarded. Some of them even end up with half way decent dudes. But there's a cost to giving yourself to the highest bidder. One that cant be recouped. 

   Will you get lonely? YUP. Par for the course. Take it from me, you can't be busy enough to forget you're single; but you can be productive. If you cant be productive then chill. Saaat down some where and just enjoy your peace. Will you get horny? YUP. Invest in a rabbit. Does wonders. Oh and get the the industrial strength AA's.

   Three things you must do. 1.) Stop entertaining worthless men. If he doesn't have your best interest at heart stop dealing with him. In short * U C K HIM (and not literally). 2.) Be able to recognize a good man when he comes along (and the only way you can do that is by applying #1). 3.) Whatever your timeline is, make it about you, not him. You should be the most important factor in your equation and decision.

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