Wednesday, November 14, 2012

the truth about . . . Being the nice girl AKA dumb broad

    We've been hearing "nice guys finish last" for decades. I often think of the guy that's so far gone over the girl that doesn't want him that he'll resort to desperate, embarrassing measures to win her affection (insert any teen movie starring Molly Ringwald here). Up until recently I believed that those acts were merely a display of his devotion and love; que the violin riiiiiigggghhhht here. (In my damsel in distress, gazing out at the river as if flows with the hope of eternal love; the moon light shimmy's as my sheer dress and hair blow in the light breeze voice) "This must be love; it has to be. I've never felt this way about anyone before (at least not since last month)." If this BS is Love I'm straight.

   For the sake of drama keep that same damsel in distress scenario above and read these words aloud ". . . I've never felt this way before. I know he's having a tough time but in this economy who isn't? Sure it's been over a year since he's worked but I knew that when I met him. I'll take care of him until he's on his feet." Or try this one. This time place the back of your hand on your forehead and repeat after me "I know he's always texting but he says it's only his friends and he doesn't want to be rude". Here's a good one (keep your hand in place and read like you're in "Gone with the Wind) "Yes, he only stops by when its convenient but he's tired - he works 12 hours a day".

   As a woman can't you see how ridiculous this ish sounds? Now go ahead and insert the dumb ass things you've done to get a bed buddy. No real man would make  a chic he can run the above game on on his woman. So in case you thought you were his girlfriend let me be clear. (In my Maury voice) You ma'me are not the girlfriend. You're the nice broad; too afraid of being alone so you've removed your spine and replaced it with "nice". You're rationale goes something like this. If  I don't nag him then he knows that I'm a keeper. If I continue to reward his behavior (good or bad) he'll realize how much I care about him. If I ignore my gut instincts and just go with it things will work out. You poor, simple, delusional chic. 

   Not nagging or checking him is a sign that you're afraid of what he'll do (like leave) * U C K HIM. You're not in a relationship any way. You're simply passing time and pacifying this dudes ego until the next chic comes along. Continuing to give a man your all (sex) when he does nothing to deserve it does the complete opposite of what you intend it to do. It doesn't tell him you care about him; it screams " I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT ME". How can a woman who puts a mans needs before her own (it's different when you are married) consider herself a keeper? What kind of mother would you make? Trust, he's thought it. GIRL BYE! 

   Stop using the fact that you are nice. Hell, most (authentic) women are nice. We are the givers of life. It's in our DNA to be compassionate. It's how we are built. Stop using the "I'm just a nice person" to free your guilty conscious from the fact that you're being stupid in the name of fake ass love. Stop thinking you can't do better. YOU CAN. Oprah Winfrey has one of the biggest hearts known to man kind. Her heart is her brand. Besides Ghandi, Mother Theresa and Martin Luther King, Jr. can you think of any one else that has done more to change the lives of others? Do you think Oprah would allow any person (not just a man) to jeopardize what she has built? Not the empire - her self worth!! Do you think she would cater to a mofo that could give a damn about how she feels? What she thinks? What makes her happy? If he was indeed the culprit that created the tear stains on her pillow do you think she'd be jockeying for position? Sure she's a billionaire now but look at what she came from. She is no more deserving than you but she is different. Different in the fact that she would not allow anyone to dictate how she moves through this life.

   MANNNNN LOOK. There is no greater feeling in the world than telling a dude who's only intention is to bend you like Beckham to 
* U C K OFF. And don't make empty threats. Say it. Mean it. Delete his number. Don't take his calls and keep it moving. You can say a lot about those who've made their money off of drama filled, scripted reality shows. They can be called groupies, hoes, home wreckers, gold diggers, opportunists, etc. One thing you cant call them is "worthless" though. Even if their worth is tied to superficiality they bout that life and they get it in at all cost. They have created the life they wanted (whether we agree with it or not) and they make no apologies for it. At least it's their life. One they crafted. Not one that was left up to some random dude to decide.

  The lesson for the day little girls? Stop being "nice". The dude isn't the problem; he's simply the manifestation.  How you see yourself and what you deserve is the real problem. Here's a thought. How about being nice to you?


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