Friday, October 5, 2012

the truth about . . . insecure people

So I'm having a conversation with a friend and we stumble across the topic of insecurity. He informs me that he alters his behaviour for the woman in his life because he doesn't want to (and I quote) "I don't want to bring out her insecurities; we all have them". Do we? I didn't realize I was insecure but thanks for the heads up. I'll be sure to tell me that I need to work on that.

After that conversation I started to wonder - are we (meaning all people) insecure? Anythings possible so let me check the standard definition. Insecure - subject to fears or doubts (ok - we all experience that). Not secure, liable to risk, loss or danger (ok - I can see using that definition broadly). Not self-confident or assured (hmmmm).

By definition I guess my friend is right - we all have insecurities. But I was still confused as to why one would alter his behavior if insecurity is so prevalent. I mean if EVERYONE is insecure it shouldn't be that big of a deal right? Sort of like the iPhone 5. It's the third week of its release, everybody knows about so it's no longer a big deal.

(still not clear - thinking, thinking, thinking . . .) A person in a relationship can be "insecure" about how they feel sure but those feelings and/or emotions can only be evoked by the significant other. Then it hit me like Ike!!!! Altering his actions tells me that she is not "assured" by either his past or present behaviour which is a threat. Just like a man to tell a half truth.

Dear Friend,

You are not dealing with an insecure "woman"; you're in an insecure relationship. It takes two and it's pretty obvious based on your altered behaviour that you are not "assured" either. Change at the expense of your authentic self is not the solution. Eventually "you" will want to show up - then what?


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